Your thesis must make a clear argumentative claim (your overall claim for the paper). Be careful to avoid the “placeholder” thesis which says what you’re going to talk about without making an argumentative claim.
Each of your paragraphs begins with a clear topic sentence and is internally coherent, but the paragraphs don’t always clearly connect to one another or to a larger argument (this is why the thesis statement is so important).
To achieve this, I would spend more time thinking about the role that point-of-view plays in the story. You’re correct that first-person allows us to connect emotionally with the narrator, but it does other things here too. Does it make us complicit in some way in the crime? Are we given all the information we’d need to make an informed judgment of the character’s actions? These are all questions you’ll want to address in your paper.
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